Inner Crazy

On the outside I can appear to be happy with the way things are going. On the inside...Different story. I think constantly, about how maybe I'm not what he wants, what he should go for, not good enough, ect. My friends tell me to be myself, I feel as though thats not good enough. But I Am, I gotta keep telling myself that. I need to not spaz if he doesnt text me, or e-mail me. I gotta stop. Im complete ecstatic when he does, but that mistrust left over from last time just feeds my paranoia. I gotta learn to trust, I have no reason not to this time. :) I have a chance to be happy.

Realize

Today I realized that my ex-boyfriend ruined a part of me. I feel like a paranoid pyscho who can't trust men. I don't want to be that way, I don't want to think that I'm not good enough, I just don't want to feel this way.

If I were someone else I'd tell myself, No one is worth this worry or in my current situation, He has given me no reason to mistrust him. Don't worry, focus on myself, if it was meant to happen it will, nothing will stop it, all other factors lead to a good outcome, I have no reason to warrant this worry other than the fact I think I'm not good enough. See, I figure after Derrick met me, he claimed to have had a good time, to have had fun, to have genuinly liked me enough to keep coming around. All this in my head is untrue, he didnt like me, he thought I wasnt good-looking enough, etc. etc. But why? No reason...just in my head. That stupid ex. Placed it in my head. I hate him.

Happy Pie

I get cranky when I dont text or e-mail him. He used my middle name and I got chills. I smile horribly and giggle far to often when I hear from him. I havent felt this way in a while. :) We talk about alot of things. Everything almost. Our speed at this is comforting. After all Ive been through and done, it teaches me patience, I have to control my mind, and its just good. Im not a cutie pie, Imma happy pie!

Excitement

Just wanted to vent a tad about my overflowing amount of EXCITEMENT! about meeting this guy derrick. I get to meet him in a weeks time. yay!

Thats Our Kind Of Love

Wow, cannot believe it's been nearly a year since I posted a blog. I'm sorry for that, not that I have any followers. but I apologize anyways. Yes I am still single. But I got on a website in March and have been talking to a guy who seems very sweet. Derrick. We are planning to meet some time in August. I am very excited, but like any American, online dating woman should be, am weary and being smart about it. My cousin, Grace has agreed to come on the date with me and her boyfriend, double date style. Safe and secure, friendly, not too serious all at once, I think I'm doing this quite right. How about you?

I'm entering my fourth year of college and I am sick of either being single or dating a jerk. My fingers are crossed for this coming semester. This, like I said, is my fourth year, wow I feel old. I'll be here for another two years. I'm an RA, so I'm out and about much more, much more invloved and such. yet still, can;t find what I seem to be looking for. Maybe Derrick will keep me on my toes, maybe it'll go some where. Summer is great fot these types of things.

Title, is thanks to Lady Antebellum. Hope all are enjoy the summer. Heres to Fall.

Humor Time...Can't touch this.

Small story to tell.

I have this friend. His name is Jim. (please forgive me jim, but I warned you) Jim likes to go out to bars and drink and hang out. Any normal 22 year old, good-looking, mechanically inclined man does. And this, my fellow readers and bloggers, is how his Saturday night went.

He was hanging out with a few old friends who wanted to change it up a bit and go to Albany for a drink or two. Jim, being agreeable decided this was a good idea. So they went to WaterWorks. Now when Jim went in to the bar, he almost immediatly felt out of place. There were men, and a few "women" around that didn't seem like Jim's normal crowd. It turned out, he was in a Gay Bar.

Now Jim is the straightest man I know. If ever presented with the choice to either enter this establishment, or to remain outside..he would've never went in of his own free will. He decided to man up and tell us this story Sunday morning and we all died laughing.

He was caught totally unaware and despite the Tranvestites, and manicured men he was surrounded by, he remained at the bar. Moments soon passed and he overheard something he will never forget. Now I can't quote the exact statement, because I wasn't there, but Jim overheard another of his fellow gender blatently announce that he would like to take Jim home and make him moan. (Insert laughter and/or moaning sound here)

If you knew Jim, this would be hilarious, down right hystercial.

So although this isn't about being a single girl..It is however about the things we sinlge people will do to have a good time and hang out with our friends. We will blindly walk beside them into a Gay bar and not question it or draw attention to ourselves for fear of wastinga night out on the town. We stick it our, and laugh it up the next day.

Here's to being single! ***

Round Up of Thoughts

Each day I pass guys while im out in "the world" and I picture myself trying to date them. I never quite works. The only guy who ever works in my head is the faceless one in my day dreams. And besides him, I picture Jay, a Jay that doesn't cheat or lie. So I stick to the day dream one. He's gotta be out there somewhere right ?

I'd have to change the title of my blog if he shows up anytime soon, lol.

I don't just want the looks, I want the connection, and no I don't think I'm being overly mooshy and romantic, what I'm talking about is having a best friend. Because lately, it'd be nice to have a guy be my friend and to want to hang out and to maybe, just maybe, think I'm pretty. In the last three days, I haven't felt pretty at all.

Awell, just spewing tonight. To be continued...