Inner Crazy

On the outside I can appear to be happy with the way things are going. On the inside...Different story. I think constantly, about how maybe I'm not what he wants, what he should go for, not good enough, ect. My friends tell me to be myself, I feel as though thats not good enough. But I Am, I gotta keep telling myself that. I need to not spaz if he doesnt text me, or e-mail me. I gotta stop. Im complete ecstatic when he does, but that mistrust left over from last time just feeds my paranoia. I gotta learn to trust, I have no reason not to this time. :) I have a chance to be happy.

Realize

Today I realized that my ex-boyfriend ruined a part of me. I feel like a paranoid pyscho who can't trust men. I don't want to be that way, I don't want to think that I'm not good enough, I just don't want to feel this way.

If I were someone else I'd tell myself, No one is worth this worry or in my current situation, He has given me no reason to mistrust him. Don't worry, focus on myself, if it was meant to happen it will, nothing will stop it, all other factors lead to a good outcome, I have no reason to warrant this worry other than the fact I think I'm not good enough. See, I figure after Derrick met me, he claimed to have had a good time, to have had fun, to have genuinly liked me enough to keep coming around. All this in my head is untrue, he didnt like me, he thought I wasnt good-looking enough, etc. etc. But why? No reason...just in my head. That stupid ex. Placed it in my head. I hate him.