Peeved to the point of nausea.

Ok so this girl..spread rumors...said she slept with my boyfriend, said she gave him oral favors. Said they did al sorts of things, while he was dating me. Now me, I've got no proof. Fine, whatever, move forward.

I've tried, and I'm doing pretty well. As you've read, it's his birthday. She wished him a happy one "hun" told him she'd "see you soon". And unless I've missed something...She, and some of his friends, are under the impression he is returning to our campus, when in reality, he is not. He is being forced to remian in Long Island and go to community college, and to commute.

So why is it I am peeved to the point of nausea? I realize I still care, but really? I hoped it wasnt this much, that it wouldnt still affect me this way. I KNOW I should NOT have looked...I shouldve kept the distance that was there the last few weeks/months. But it's his birthday...I got drawn in slightly more than is good for me at this point. So now the plan is...too re-affirm my position of distance until he once again, randomly contacts me...randomly.

And also to tell myself I'm better than this whole thng, than all of the people involved. I did not drink myself to death and beyond, I do not, have not, and will not ever make up rumors for entertainment, nor will I ever, (I have never) cheated on someone, whether it be emotionally or physically or both.

I am better. I am hurt, I am damaged, But I am better. And I am healing. At this point though, it'd be nice to have an uplifting event, rather than hearing that a friend will be commuting, or that a nasty horrible person is returning to campus, or even that I am expected to be strong. I don't quite feel it at the moment. It will happen though, It will, it must. I hope sleep will usher it into my life.

I am tired of change. I am peeved. Sadness tonight. Blindness for tomorrow. I ask for help because tonight, I am hurt.

I just got done watching yet another chick flick where no matter what the heroine is faced with, she gets the guy...honestly, how many times has this happened to you? I must admit that I've had moments where I felt as though perhaps I had gotten close, only to turn around several months later to be, yet again, dissappointed. You think that after this had happened a few times I would notice a pattern, but no I did not. I'm not writing this because I want to tell specifics, but rather to connect a whole group of single women who have had horrible luck with men. Now I'm leaving out my age to avoid any stereotyping, but I've had my fair share of wrongs done to me. And I can't believe that I stuck around as long as I did. (Anyone want to quote a Daughtry song for me?) In the end, after the healing I now look back and wonder why I did certain things, and why I stuck around in the first place. This will be the first of many Blog entries showcasing my thoughts, trials, mistakes, and realizations in the world of men and in the discovery of myself as well as the power to be a woman who will never again, (or very rarely) be taken advantage of again.