Happy Pie

I get cranky when I dont text or e-mail him. He used my middle name and I got chills. I smile horribly and giggle far to often when I hear from him. I havent felt this way in a while. :) We talk about alot of things. Everything almost. Our speed at this is comforting. After all Ive been through and done, it teaches me patience, I have to control my mind, and its just good. Im not a cutie pie, Imma happy pie!

Excitement

Just wanted to vent a tad about my overflowing amount of EXCITEMENT! about meeting this guy derrick. I get to meet him in a weeks time. yay!

Thats Our Kind Of Love

Wow, cannot believe it's been nearly a year since I posted a blog. I'm sorry for that, not that I have any followers. but I apologize anyways. Yes I am still single. But I got on a website in March and have been talking to a guy who seems very sweet. Derrick. We are planning to meet some time in August. I am very excited, but like any American, online dating woman should be, am weary and being smart about it. My cousin, Grace has agreed to come on the date with me and her boyfriend, double date style. Safe and secure, friendly, not too serious all at once, I think I'm doing this quite right. How about you?

I'm entering my fourth year of college and I am sick of either being single or dating a jerk. My fingers are crossed for this coming semester. This, like I said, is my fourth year, wow I feel old. I'll be here for another two years. I'm an RA, so I'm out and about much more, much more invloved and such. yet still, can;t find what I seem to be looking for. Maybe Derrick will keep me on my toes, maybe it'll go some where. Summer is great fot these types of things.

Title, is thanks to Lady Antebellum. Hope all are enjoy the summer. Heres to Fall.

Humor Time...Can't touch this.

Small story to tell.

I have this friend. His name is Jim. (please forgive me jim, but I warned you) Jim likes to go out to bars and drink and hang out. Any normal 22 year old, good-looking, mechanically inclined man does. And this, my fellow readers and bloggers, is how his Saturday night went.

He was hanging out with a few old friends who wanted to change it up a bit and go to Albany for a drink or two. Jim, being agreeable decided this was a good idea. So they went to WaterWorks. Now when Jim went in to the bar, he almost immediatly felt out of place. There were men, and a few "women" around that didn't seem like Jim's normal crowd. It turned out, he was in a Gay Bar.

Now Jim is the straightest man I know. If ever presented with the choice to either enter this establishment, or to remain outside..he would've never went in of his own free will. He decided to man up and tell us this story Sunday morning and we all died laughing.

He was caught totally unaware and despite the Tranvestites, and manicured men he was surrounded by, he remained at the bar. Moments soon passed and he overheard something he will never forget. Now I can't quote the exact statement, because I wasn't there, but Jim overheard another of his fellow gender blatently announce that he would like to take Jim home and make him moan. (Insert laughter and/or moaning sound here)

If you knew Jim, this would be hilarious, down right hystercial.

So although this isn't about being a single girl..It is however about the things we sinlge people will do to have a good time and hang out with our friends. We will blindly walk beside them into a Gay bar and not question it or draw attention to ourselves for fear of wastinga night out on the town. We stick it our, and laugh it up the next day.

Here's to being single! ***

Round Up of Thoughts

Each day I pass guys while im out in "the world" and I picture myself trying to date them. I never quite works. The only guy who ever works in my head is the faceless one in my day dreams. And besides him, I picture Jay, a Jay that doesn't cheat or lie. So I stick to the day dream one. He's gotta be out there somewhere right ?

I'd have to change the title of my blog if he shows up anytime soon, lol.

I don't just want the looks, I want the connection, and no I don't think I'm being overly mooshy and romantic, what I'm talking about is having a best friend. Because lately, it'd be nice to have a guy be my friend and to want to hang out and to maybe, just maybe, think I'm pretty. In the last three days, I haven't felt pretty at all.

Awell, just spewing tonight. To be continued...

Peeved to the point of nausea.

Ok so this girl..spread rumors...said she slept with my boyfriend, said she gave him oral favors. Said they did al sorts of things, while he was dating me. Now me, I've got no proof. Fine, whatever, move forward.

I've tried, and I'm doing pretty well. As you've read, it's his birthday. She wished him a happy one "hun" told him she'd "see you soon". And unless I've missed something...She, and some of his friends, are under the impression he is returning to our campus, when in reality, he is not. He is being forced to remian in Long Island and go to community college, and to commute.

So why is it I am peeved to the point of nausea? I realize I still care, but really? I hoped it wasnt this much, that it wouldnt still affect me this way. I KNOW I should NOT have looked...I shouldve kept the distance that was there the last few weeks/months. But it's his birthday...I got drawn in slightly more than is good for me at this point. So now the plan is...too re-affirm my position of distance until he once again, randomly contacts me...randomly.

And also to tell myself I'm better than this whole thng, than all of the people involved. I did not drink myself to death and beyond, I do not, have not, and will not ever make up rumors for entertainment, nor will I ever, (I have never) cheated on someone, whether it be emotionally or physically or both.

I am better. I am hurt, I am damaged, But I am better. And I am healing. At this point though, it'd be nice to have an uplifting event, rather than hearing that a friend will be commuting, or that a nasty horrible person is returning to campus, or even that I am expected to be strong. I don't quite feel it at the moment. It will happen though, It will, it must. I hope sleep will usher it into my life.

I am tired of change. I am peeved. Sadness tonight. Blindness for tomorrow. I ask for help because tonight, I am hurt.

Daily

Do plans ever work out?

I plan to be detached, my body likes to react to every feeling. My heart races, I turn red, breath fast etc...Definately not detached.

I plan a day of work, but accomplish almost nothing and then go to the fair. Way to work right.

I planned to go to the local park and recreation for the overlook, and guess what, that I actually did. Wanna know why? Because it was his birthday..and my present to him was a picture of the view. He loves good views, not to mention we had alot of fun last year on his birthday. I was wonderful.

It figures...I plan for myself and half-ass it, I plan for him and I complete the task. Atleast I got to see a nice view on a hot muggy day before I'm off to college in two weeks. Half for him, half for me. Atleast he said thank you. But thats about all he said. I actually was awake at midnight and was the first person to wish him a happy 20th. Got me far didnt it?

Sometimes I miss him, who he used to be, and others I dont, because now I know who he is. So Jay, live up to your age and make the best of life. From a friend to a friend, who will always love you, whether or not it's right.