Irony and Dreams

Of course after a breakup there is emtional damage, and in some cases, baggage. I have taken all of mine and warped it into a few different, new past times and lessons learned. But, once in a while a few pieces of them wriggle back onto my personal subconcious computer screen to interupt my processing, however minor the disturbance.

Last night was one of those times. I was sleeping peacfully, dreaming in the same way, although the dream was not a nightmare, it was not welcomed. Of course I didn't cush my concious into ridding my mind of it, so I rode the ride and finished out the dream.

My ex boyfriend Jay and I were together for nearly a year before things not only fell apart, but shattered completely. On the bright side, there were many happy times, to counter act the bad ones. In my unwelcomed dream I was going to a port town of sunshine and beaches with well dressed officers and a history to boot. I was in the family car, with the family, and Jay was following behind, way behind, in his old car, the same car we used to ride in. He had some trouble entering the hotel we were staying at and my father had to help him to get in by vauging for his age. Odd i know..but it is after all, a dream. So he gets to where I am, and we kiss and hug upon meeting. Throughout the dream we meet up with friends and family and we have a small BBQ/party, where I download music and play with multiple new and old MP3 players of mine, odd right, and not to mention all of them have tangled cords, and through out the duration of this time, Jay is no where around in my dream. But I;m happy just to know he is mine. I woke up feeling conflicted, not overly bothered by the whole event. But questioning the reason behind it. Perhaps it is because his birthday is tomorrow, perhaps another reason. I'm not sure.

But, despite this, I still have learned my lessons and made an effort to change my surroundings. I do miss him, but it is not...good for me to dwell on it. I plan to wish him a happy birthday, even though he may not deserve all I give of myself still to this day. But it's my way.

The whole situation is ironic and, well, to say the least, crazy. But it's my life and I keep living it. I take the dreams with the lack of dreams, and I just keep living. The best to him. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON. I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT 20TH BIRTHDAY...WITH LOVE, AMANDA