Peeved to the point of nausea.

Ok so this girl..spread rumors...said she slept with my boyfriend, said she gave him oral favors. Said they did al sorts of things, while he was dating me. Now me, I've got no proof. Fine, whatever, move forward.

I've tried, and I'm doing pretty well. As you've read, it's his birthday. She wished him a happy one "hun" told him she'd "see you soon". And unless I've missed something...She, and some of his friends, are under the impression he is returning to our campus, when in reality, he is not. He is being forced to remian in Long Island and go to community college, and to commute.

So why is it I am peeved to the point of nausea? I realize I still care, but really? I hoped it wasnt this much, that it wouldnt still affect me this way. I KNOW I should NOT have looked...I shouldve kept the distance that was there the last few weeks/months. But it's his birthday...I got drawn in slightly more than is good for me at this point. So now the plan is...too re-affirm my position of distance until he once again, randomly contacts me...randomly.

And also to tell myself I'm better than this whole thng, than all of the people involved. I did not drink myself to death and beyond, I do not, have not, and will not ever make up rumors for entertainment, nor will I ever, (I have never) cheated on someone, whether it be emotionally or physically or both.

I am better. I am hurt, I am damaged, But I am better. And I am healing. At this point though, it'd be nice to have an uplifting event, rather than hearing that a friend will be commuting, or that a nasty horrible person is returning to campus, or even that I am expected to be strong. I don't quite feel it at the moment. It will happen though, It will, it must. I hope sleep will usher it into my life.

I am tired of change. I am peeved. Sadness tonight. Blindness for tomorrow. I ask for help because tonight, I am hurt.